Sunday, July 27, 2008

No Good Words

And now I'm here, on the day before I leave Botswana. It is almost completely unfathomable to me that I've been here 9 full weeks now, and that it's time to journey away. Spent the last week not doing our usual schedule because of the national holiday. The change in schedule was okay for the first couple days, but as Wednesday came we all really wanted to be with our kids and it just wasn't a very satisfying end to our time here.

Had a good week otherwise though, we explored the city a little more and did some last minute souvenir shopping, which was nice to get done. Went to the Botswana National Museum, which was really informative and set up well and just really neat to be able to see it. That same day we walked around the government areas, where Parliament is held and that whole area, which is a really pretty area of downtown Gaborone. (Lots of fountains!) We also visited the Gaborone Dam for a good sunset relaxation evening. It was good to have some group time up there, and a nice reflection time. Really beautiful to see the sunset from a different view. Friday , Meeka threw a birthday party for little Pepeiro at our flat, and so her and Danielle and I brought Pepeiro, Tsaone and Charity back for a day of birthday fun. First though, Danielle and I went with Pepeiro to get her hair done for her 3rd birthday (very special!) and then a stop off at the grocery store, which got us many looks walking around a busy store with three little African children in the cart. It was really good though. Spent a nice dinner out with Marinda, Leslie, Danielle and Jack last night, and then returned home to begin packing. I think I've really been really avoiding what kinds of feelings I've actually had for the past couple of weeks, and it's been easy to avoid with my team members because I think we're all kind of doing the same thing. It really hit me for real though last night, when my mom was talking to me and she was asking how I was feeling about leaving, and how I was going to cope when I got home, and all of the sudden I couldn't hold it all together anymore. Broke down a couple times to Danielle and Leslie and Marinda, but I realized that it felt better to talk about it, and also to realize that it was almost a good feeling to be able to have loved this place and these people so much that it hurts to leave. Which... is a weird thing, I know, but it's kind of the nature of my mind lately.

Got up early for church this morning, which in some ways I was dreading because I knew that it would be such a final goodbye for so many people in the community of Old Naledi. From the minute we arrived with all of our kids though, it was a perfect morning. Being in that church, dancing and singing along with the amazing worship made me feel so full and also light at the same time. It's a hard feeling to describe to be in this room with these people who have so much hope and are in some dire circumstances, but are pouring out their hearts to each other and to Him. Such a freeing, joyful time. Definitely had a few teary moments and near crying times during the service. A missionary family from the U.S. gave the message and then did a prayer over our team that was so perfect. And then came after church and the inevitable goodbyes. It was hard enough to say good bye to Champ and the other guys that lead the Tlamelo Project, because they were so kind in our entire time here and so grateful for us, no matter what we did. The guys saw us all crying and were so so sweet, and gave us so many kind words. Champ said to all of us as he was saying thank yous and goodbyes "You are leaving tomorrow? This time has flown that you have been here. Your time here has not been in vain." I really want to remember those words and that heart.

Marinda gave me her backpack from the summer to give to Bareng (she uses an old pasta bag for her books usually so this was good for her!) and I filled it with some clothes and other stuff that I didn't need to take back home. I also bought her a little Bible since she is very involved in the church and the youth devotions, and wrote her a letter with my address at the bottom and stuck it in the Bible. I had no good words to say to her, other than goodbye and that it hurt so badly to have to leave. We kept hugging and she held tight to my arm and side and hand the whole time before I had to leave, and I didn't want to let go. I, of course, was a pretty big mess throughout the whole goodbye, and as I turned away from her to leave, Leslie was watching Bareng turn away and told me that she was wiping tears from her face at the same time I was as we were walking away from each other. It just didn't seem so fair to me. I felt so amazing to have gotten to know her and for her to have gotten to know me, and want to be close to me, and yet I felt like I was deserting her and the other older girls. I hope they understand. She's 12, I know she probably does understand, but when I asked her why she was so sad, she told me "It is because you are leaving. I don't want you to leave."
As hard as today was, and as much as it hurt, it was a perfect ending to an incredible time. Danielle and I were talking and I'm not sure we would have proper closure with these relationships and the village if we weren't able to be there and be emotional visibly today.

I know it sounds cheesy, but my heart really did hurt. It hurt walking through the village for the last time, riding the combi out of there and all the way back to UB. Like I said earlier though, even though my words and my thoughts are completely jumbled right now and not quite processable yet, I have a joy inside that is coming from Him and I know it stems from the blessing of being here and being in these relationships and this place that has been nothing but perfect since we arrived. Leslie told me about half way through this summer that she had an older friend visit Africa who told her before she left that being here really does get in your heart, and a part of you stays here. I know that sounds pretty romantic and idealistic but the more I have been here, the more I feel it is true. It's something. It's everything that I've explained over the summer that has made me love it here beyond what I thought possible. It's not ever one moment in particular, but every experience added up together. I was trying to explain to myself today why I was so incredibly sad yet felt full, and it's only just being here that makes sense to me why I feel this way.

I know that the majority of this post makes no sense whatsoever, and I apologize. Maybe later I will have better words and sentences to describe, but today when it all is still fresh, this is all I can get out. I am excited for this next week in Cape Town, and excited to be home in a little over a week, but there is a little bit of a cloud hanging over both of those. It will be so strange to be in Cape Town, and also to be at home, and the adjustment to both will be a new experience. This summer has been perfect. I cannot believe I have been away for 9 weeks already... and that in those 9 weeks I've fallen so fast for a place and a people. As I wrote at the beginning of this trip, every day really was better than the last, and that's all I could have ever asked for.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Happy Birthdays, Sad Fridays


After my longing for home on the 4th of July, my birthday kind of loomed in a little fear of how I would handle it so far from home again. However. I found yesterday that I was no where near wanting home as much as before, and my roommates and students and teachers made the day pretty-near perfect. It all started Wednesday evening when Meeka presented me with T-Bone steak and loaded mashed potatoes... wonderful. (I attempted to help with the potato peeling... but kind of failed pretty miserably so she told me to get out of the kitchen.)And she also gave me a scarf and helped me learn how to look normal in it... which was needed and great! Thursday morning (THE BIG DAY!) I woke up to Leslie having a large breakfast already freshly made for me, cheesy scrambled eggs, toast and wonderful hash brown potatoes. So good!! And so, so NICE!
We got to school where my students and teachers were SO incredibly nice and definitely made me feel special on my big day. One of the teachers bought me some chips, which was SO nice, and just so thoughtful. After school, Marinda and Leslie and I headed off to get some pictures printed for our kids, and then headed home to prepare for the big birthday evening. As Lessie worked on my cake (I was going to help...but I think all the roomies decided that with the cooking/baking skills I have displayed this summer so far it was probably best for me to stay far away) I showered and actually got to look like a normal 21-year old for once this entire summer! After a quick round of hearts, we headed out to dinner at Primi's, a way cool trendy (by trendy I mean it has really cool lights and bottles of yellow, red, blue and green dyed water all around that makes it feel way hip) Italian restaurant that was perfect for a birthday. We had to wait for a while to get seated, but I did some birthday dances and we all picked out our food so we'd be completely ready to go once we sat down! The whole group had wonderful food and it really was one of those wonderful evenings, warm and fuzzies all around. I was SO smiley and happy to have everyone around me, and it was just wonderful. I had a salmon pasta and it was INCREDIBLE, but I ate way too much... but it's my birthday, right?! : ) After dinner we came back home for cake and a possible movie, but we all were so full and worn out that bed won out over the movie. Before bed though I got to talk to a lot of family which was awesome and made the birthday that much better. I have INCREDIBLE caring and generous teammates and a wonderful family back home and it made my 21st birthday just perfect!!!

And then came yesterday. I think I knew it was coming, but it hit so hard, and I am so not ready to say goodbye to people I feel like I really just met. Even though we don't leave Botswana until July 28th, the schools are all out of session next week because Monday and Tuesday are national holidays, and then they take the rest of the week off as a mid-year break. We've been taking tons of pictures all week and trying to help as much as possible by typing test after test to prepare them all for their exams after the break. But it's just not enough. And I feel like so many of my kids just came out of their shells and started to have relationships with me. It's just so weird to say goodbye to people and places that you're really not sure you'll see again. Botswana, yes. I will be back. But these kids? I have no clue. The boys from my class were so incredibly wonderful all week, they hung close by during all of our breaks and really talked a lot to me, and a few gave pictures and drawings for my birthday and also because I was going away. One of the boys, Cornelius, gave me pictures of his mother yesterday for me to remember him by, because that's what he had to give. It was so much to give, really. And when I was getting ready to walk out of there, I just felt that weird combination of having to leave but being so on the verge of an emotional breakdown because it's just so strange.

The boys all gave me hugs and sang songs as I walked away, and the girls sent their well wishes, and I got addresses for all of them. So many of the kids said "I wish you to go well," or "I hope you will do good," and in their perfect broken English it was wonderful to hear and really caused me to melt. I want so badly, and I plan on it (HOLD ME TO THIS!!), to write them all letters at least once a month, and keep up with their lives. I spent a lot of my time here grading and revising their English compositions, and a lot of them were letters, so I figure this would be just furthering that! Except I won't revise any letters they write to me. : )

I just do really though, feel so blessed to have gotten to know these kids, and helped out wherever I was needed, even if I didn't end up doing anything huge, just the relationships and the conversations were hopefully enough to leave some kind of memory of me for them. I gave the class some pictures I'd taken of them and also some of them individually, and I plan on sending more back once I get home and can print off some more. I also gave each of them a packet of a ruler, pencil, pen, eraser and pencil sharpener, since those are the items they all seem to need EVERY day!! Definitely a reflective afternoon and ride back to UB after school got out.

So so strange. After almost eight full weeks of being here, it's really coming to a close, and this place more than any other one besides my REAL home has become an almost true home for me. And it's not about my flat here, or my bedroom or anything else really specifically. It's those kids, and the classroom. And the way they stayed pretty quiet at the beginning (except Tiny) and then came out and just had these incredible things to say and hilarious moments to share. The way that I really felt like we belonged there at the school, and the way that leaving today felt not so normal or okay. I don't know. A few weeks ago I was way more ready than right now to be back at home. And now I just am not sure that's what I want yet! I feel so comforted that I've gotten to this point here, because I think it is just SUCH a blessing and answer to so many prayers and questions, and I think I should just take that as it is. These people have established these relationships and this love for me, and to be here with that is incredible. To not want to leave a place that is half the world away from my home is pretty big for me I think. The love that every single person here has for each other and their country, and the pride they take in everything they do and all of the people they love is what is sticking with me most at this point. I want so badly to take that home with me. These people as a whole are like no others I have ever met.

I have ONE more week in this country, and I plan on opening my eyes wider and wider to take in every single thing as much as possible so there will be no way that I may forget anything. Ah... it's way easier to leave home, knowing that I will be back to see my family and that place again, than to leave here, not knowing when I will again see any of my kids or teachers or this country.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Falls and Finally Finding HIPPOS

Sunsets, a wonder of the world, HIPPOS, elephants, safaris, bus rides... Zambia was wonderful. Again, it's probably best to do this day-by-day, and again, just as after the Delta, you may need a few days to read this... I'm sorry that I write way too much, I'm just so excited about all that we saw!!

Tuesday- Leslie, Marinda and I got up at 7am to go wait in line to buy tickets for our bus that was to leave at 8:30p that evening. After a HUGE fiasco involving line-cutters and people buying multiple tickets, we got literally three of the last five tickets on the entire bus. We were definitely EXTREMELY grateful for that and it is example ONE of this trip and how we were provided for so well. Spent the day preparing, packing...arrived back at the bus station around 4:30p to get our luggage on the bus. Apparently taking big huge comforters to Zambia to sell is QUITE the business, and there were about 50 of them to fit on this bus. Luckily our luggage got on, and we sat around until 9p when the bus finally left for Livingstone.

Wednesday- After a long night on the bus, we arrived at the border around 7a, where we spent three hours so all of the comforters could be approved by the border patrol... if I don't see another comforter for a while, I'll be okay. Arrived in Livingstone around 11a finally, and prayed again really hard that we would be able to get a place to stay for the evening, since we had to arrive a day early because of the bus scheduling. We got to Jollyboys and they had VERY few beds left, but were able to get us three beds for that evening. We were all so relieved... (We are SUCH good lil' backpackers!) God was so good again in providing for us there. Jollyboys was so cool and had such a world-traveler feel. They had a really awesome swimming pool, dorms, campsites, individual rooms, a restaurant/bar area and a super cool "chill area." We spent the afternoon and evening getting settled, journaling and stretching out after the long bus ride!

Thursday- Slept in pretty late, getting caught up on some missed rest! (Well, LES and I slept, Ms. Johnson actually enjoys those early mornings!!) We intended to spend a good amount of the day by the pool because the weather up in Livingstone was definitely warmer than we are used to here in Gabs, so we were definitely excited to relax and get some much-needed sun. Went to town though to get some breakfast and some kwacha (1 US Dollar = 3500 kwacha. So... we spent the weekend spending tens of thousands of kwacha, kiiinda felt like a high roller) from the ATM, and ended up spending about three hours at the open air market that sold so many awesome crafts and gifts, and wheeled and dealed with the locals. We also tried to figure out our bus ride home since we couldn't find any office or information about it where we had been dropped off (welcome to the transportation system...) and heard from a few people on the street that it left each day at FOUR IN THE MORNING... which seemed like our only option but not such an exciting one. Anyway, the girls and I got back to Jollyboys, showered and got ready for our much-anticipated Sunset Cruise down the mighty Zambezi river! We were so excited for the relaxing evening, a good dinner and a boat ride. Got dropped off at the river, and loaded the boat, where we met a husband and wife from San Francisco who are traveling before they start graduate school and a job- one in Africa and one in Switzerland. Also met a whole group of middle-aged South Africans, who are all traveling around Southern Africa together on motorcycles. Such a friendly group and we had some awesome conversations with both. The cruise was awesome, we saw our first HIPPOS, so I was definitely happy! Dinner was great, we got GRILLED chicken- kind of like summertime at home, so it was wonderful. The sunset was absolutely gorgeous... perfect.It was definitely one of those perfect evenings that topped off a perfect day... warm and fuzzy feelings all around. Ended up with some good journaling and reflecting and quiet time...WONDERFUL day.

Friday- Woke up, and Marinda and Leslie began the mental preparation for the event of the day...BUNGEEEEEEEING. Now... I think it's pretty fair to say that I was preparing myself mentally for this too, because although there was close to no way you could get me off of that ledge over the bridge, I was preparing to be the world's best cheerleader/spectator. We caught the shuttle to Vic Falls around 10a, and arrived for the girls' date with the bridge around 11a. They both had to go up to a check-in point, and I headed down the bridge that separates Zambia and Zimbabwe where the jumping-off takes place to get an idea of what my two extremely courageous friends were about to do to themselves. I stood there for quite a while until they arrived, and by the time they came down to prepare, I was the expert on how this jump worked, how they got back up afterwards... everything. So, like I said, I was still hoping to be some good support although I wasn't going to make it over the edge this time around. They both did WONDERFULLY, and it was awesome to watch and see their faces and reactions during and afterwards. For SURE check out their blogs for VIDEOS and more pictures, my photography skills were definitely tested during these jumps!! As excited and elated as they were, I never really regretted my decision NOT to jump, and was more than satisfied to watch. : )
After their jumps, we headed to the National Park that surrounds Victoria Falls. I don't think I had really done enough research or known enough about the falls... but it was absolutely perfectly incredible when we got in there. The first glimpse we got was from a ways away, but as soon as we got our rented ponchos and got right in front of those falls... I literally was speechless with how powerful and mighty and incredible this sight was. I really truly know now why it is one of the wonders of the world... so awesome, and pictures definitely cannot justify the sight. The sound was deafening, we were getting soaked the entire time because of the super intense spray from the falls, and none of us could wipe the smiles or wonderment off of our faces. Everything around the falls was extremely green which we hadn't seen for a while, and lush and wonderful... so beautiful. We hiked around the park for a while, found the spot where the falls begin, which was really cool to see kind of the calm before the huge huge drop. We also found the Boiling Pot, which was QUITE the hike from the top of the falls to the very bottom (involving some pretty intense rock climbing and creek crossing, so with all my wilderness skills, I was quite the expert... not), and the view from down there was incredible. You are sitting on these rocks, where the falls finally meet their river... so cool. All of the sights and sounds and smells and wonders of the day were definitely perfect, majestic, God moments... so incredible. Got back to Jollyboys and after the hike of the day we had a good meal in town, and then crashed pretty early. We met a lady this evening who was from Zimbabwe and was on her way back home to Harare, and it was a really cool experience to talk to her and get her point of view on the stuff going on there, especially since her family is back there and she is returning... definitely interesting.

Saturday- Awoke very early to catch our ride across the border back into Bots for the day to take a day safari at Chobe National Park, for which we were definitely pumped. After meeting the other people in our group (definitely one of the highlights of this trip was the HUGE awesome assortment of people that were staying at Jollyboys with us, so many people our age or just a few years older who are doing service work and traveling or just backpacking across Africa... so many awesome conversations and new things from these people!) we had a great breakfast at a lodge, and then loaded up and headed out to the park. We spent the morning in a safari vehicle driving around Chobe. We didn't see anything huge on this part, but some really cool impalas and kudu- which look like a cross between a zebra and a horse... pretty cool! It was funny, this guy in our group mentioned something which was so true, he was talking about how you grow up watching these super cool safaris on TV... and here we were, you know, just safari-ing through the bush in Africa, normal, right? ; )
In the afternoon, we boarded a boat for an afternoon river game cruise to see more animals... and this was where the elephants and hippo experiences got intense. Another guy on our trip from Malaysia faced his chair on the boat to look outward and not towards the table and said "Big screen TV, National Geographic SAFARI SPECIAL!" It was great! Anyway, because we were in a pontoon boat we were able to get super close to elephants and hippos and crocodiles and water buffalo, and it was incredible. The elephants especially were so huge and majestic and wonderful, definitely images and pictures I won't forget for quite some time! And of course there was an abundance of hippos which I couldn't have been happier about, ESPECIALLY since this time I felt in no danger sitting in this big boat, and we were able to get SO close to them... super cool. On the way home I was able to talk to a few girls from Ireland and it was so cool to compare our lives and see how we are all kind of living the same lives even though we are in two way different countries. AND I found out that out of the four girls in their group, two of them had turned 21 last week, and the other two were turning 21 this week, and SO AM I, so that was definitely a way cool similarity!! Headed to bed pretty early after meeting some more awesome 21-year olds from South Africa doing a "quick backpacking trip" around Southern Africa on their 3-week "Uni-break"... they were staying in our dorms with us and were so cool to talk to and listen to.

Sunday- Arrived at the bus stop around 3:45a (I wasn't the happiest camper in the world), waited until 4:30a when the bus showed up, I went up and asked if we could get on, and the driver told us it was full. So. We were told to go to this other bus, that could get us to the border, where we could hitchhike or catch a taxi to the nearest city in Botswana where we could get on one bus to take us to Francistown, and then another bus from there to Gabs... quite a more complicated journey than the one-way bus, but we were ready to trek it if it meant we could still get back to Gabs by evening. We headed to this other bus, which sat in the parking lot until around 5:30a when it left for the border. While we were sitting there waiting, I was seated next to a man from Zambia, who was probably in his mid-40s. We got to talking about his life, his family and his children, and the differences between Zambia and Botswana. It was a really cool conversation, and then we started talking more about my life and my family, and we started to talk about my faith and his, and it was a way cool conversation. He kept calling me his daughter, and was so kind and thoughtful in our conversations. At one point he asked why we were on this bus, why didn't we just get on the bus that goes straight to Gabs? I laughed and told him that we had tried but it was full, so we were just going to go with our Plan B. He told me that he would stay with us until we got to the bus station in Kasane so we wouldn't have to find a taxi or a ride alone, which in itself was a very nice offer. (He was headed to a town in Botswana that was past Gabs, where he was meeting his daughter who does mission work.) He also kind of off-handedly mentioned that he knew the driver of the Zambia-Gaborone bus, and I didn't think too much of it at the time... but God was working so much in our conversation and our meeting already. Once we arrived at the border, he stayed with us, helped us find a trustworthy guy to exchange our kwacha back to pula (1 pula = 515 kwacha), and we got in line for the immigration office. He left us at this point, and kind of indicated that he'd be back, but we didn't think much of it. Us girls were starting to get kind of stir-crazy waiting in this line forever and thinking about all the unknowns of the transportation ahead of us for the day, when a man walked up to us and asked if we were going to Gaborone. We replied that we were trying to, and he told us that he was one of the drivers for the one-way bus, and told us that our friend had talked to him and that they were going to squeeze us in the bus since we needed to get back, would that be okay? We all practically yelled in excitement, and he told me to get our luggage together and bring it over to the bus so he could pack it in. We no longer cared about the forever long line, and it was definitely another one of those perfect God moments of the week, one that to me is just undeniably Him providing completely for us. I saw my friend again later on the Botswana side of the border, and thanked him incredibly for his kindness and helpfulness in getting us on that bus. He said it was no problem, and I didn't see him again. Guardian angel for SURE. We got on the bus (YAY!!), where we weren't exactly expecting the best seats, since we were told it was full, but Les sat up at the front on the floor and Marinda and I ended up sitting on the floor for 8 hours by the bus toilet (kind of unpleasant, but we were so grateful to be on that bus it really wasn't that big of a deal) until we let people off at Francistown where we were lucky enough to get seats for the remaining 5 hours of the trip. Finally arrived back in Gabs, where I was SO excited to be 'home'- weird but it really truly does feel like home, I kind of can't imagine not coming back here again after we leave in a few short weeks. Took a hot shower and ate a good meal and crashed into bed.

And... there you have it! Another novel... and again, there are more pictures at my Picasa site. It was an incredible trip all around, the highlights being seeing and fully experiencing the glory and AWESOMENESS of Victoria Falls, the way the we were so wonderfully provided for, and the incredible people we met and conversations and lives shared. And of course being able to spend a week with Marinda and Les!!! The only downfall was the LITERALLY forty-two bites I somehow got on ONE leg... why was I the only one who got so many?! Anyway though, I definitely missed our other half, but they had a wonderful time on the Zim side, check out their blogs for all of that extra info!! Three short weeks from TODAY and I will be arriving in Kansas City... cannot believe it and having so many mixed feelings, but I'll save all of that for another blog. Miss everyone, and thank you so much for your support and prayers, I know that I definitely felt so many of those this last week, just as I have the whole time. LOVE YOU ALL!!!