Happy Birthdays, Sad Fridays

After my longing for home on the 4th of July, my birthday kind of loomed in a little fear of how I would handle it so far from home again. However. I found yesterday that I was no where near wanting home as much as before, and my roommates and students and teachers made the day pretty-near perfect. It all started Wednesday evening when Meeka presented me with T-Bone steak and loaded mashed potatoes... wonderful. (I attempted to help with the potato peeling... but kind of failed pretty miserably so she told me to get out of the kitchen.)And she also gave me a scarf and helped me learn how to look normal in it... which was needed and great! Thursday morning (THE BIG DAY!) I woke up to Leslie having a large breakfast already freshly made for me, cheesy scrambled eggs, toast and wonderful hash brown potatoes. So good!! And so, so NICE!
We got to school where my students and teachers were SO incredibly nice and definitely made me feel special on my big day. One of the teachers bought me some chips, which was SO nice, and just so thoughtful. After school, Marinda and Leslie and I headed off to get some pictures printed for our kids, and then headed home to prepare for the big birthday evening. As Lessie worked on my cake (I was going to help...but I think all the roomies decided that with the cooking/baking skills I have displayed this summer so far it was probably best for me to stay far away) I showered and actually got to look like a normal 21-year old for once this entire summer! After a quick round of hearts, we headed out to dinner at Primi's, a way cool trendy (by trendy I mean it has really cool lights and bottles of yellow, red, blue and green dyed water all around that makes it feel way hip) Italian restaurant that was perfect for a birthday. We had to wait for a while to get seated, but I did some birthday dances and we all picked out our food so we'd be completely ready to go once we sat down! The whole group had wonderful food and it really was one of those wonderful evenings, warm and fuzzies all around. I was SO smiley and happy to have everyone around me, and it was just wonderful. I had a salmon pasta and it was INCREDIBLE, but I ate way too much... but it's my birthday, right?! : ) After dinner we came back home for cake and a possible movie, but we all were so full and worn out that bed won out over the movie. Before bed though I got to talk to a lot of family which was awesome and made the birthday that much better. I have INCREDIBLE caring and generous teammates and a wonderful family back home and it made my 21st birthday just perfect!!!

And then came yesterday. I think I knew it was coming, but it hit so hard, and I am so not ready to say goodbye to people I feel like I really just met. Even though we don't leave Botswana until July 28th, the schools are all out of session next week because Monday and Tuesday are national holidays, and then they take the rest of the week off as a mid-year break. We've been taking tons of pictures all week and trying to help as much as possible by typing test after test to prepare them all for their exams after the break. But it's just not enough. And I feel like so many of my kids just came out of their shells and started to have relationships with me. It's just so weird to say goodbye to people and places that you're really not sure you'll see again. Botswana, yes. I will be back. But these kids? I have no clue. The boys from my class were so incredibly wonderful all week, they hung close by during all of our breaks and really talked a lot to me, and a few gave pictures and drawings for my birthday and also because I was going away. One of the boys, Cornelius, gave me pictures of his mother yesterday for me to remember him by, because that's what he had to give. It was so much to give, really. And when I was getting ready to walk out of there, I just felt that weird combination of having to leave but being so on the verge of an emotional breakdown because it's just so strange.

The boys all gave me hugs and sang songs as I walked away, and the girls sent their well wishes, and I got addresses for all of them. So many of the kids said "I wish you to go well," or "I hope you will do good," and in their perfect broken English it was wonderful to hear and really caused me to melt. I want so badly, and I plan on it (HOLD ME TO THIS!!), to write them all letters at least once a month, and keep up with their lives. I spent a lot of my time here grading and revising their English compositions, and a lot of them were letters, so I figure this would be just furthering that! Except I won't revise any letters they write to me. : )

I just do really though, feel so blessed to have gotten to know these kids, and helped out wherever I was needed, even if I didn't end up doing anything huge, just the relationships and the conversations were hopefully enough to leave some kind of memory of me for them. I gave the class some pictures I'd taken of them and also some of them individually, and I plan on sending more back once I get home and can print off some more. I also gave each of them a packet of a ruler, pencil, pen, eraser and pencil sharpener, since those are the items they all seem to need EVERY day!! Definitely a reflective afternoon and ride back to UB after school got out.

So so strange. After almost eight full weeks of being here, it's really coming to a close, and this place more than any other one besides my REAL home has become an almost true home for me. And it's not about my flat here, or my bedroom or anything else really specifically. It's those kids, and the classroom. And the way they stayed pretty quiet at the beginning (except Tiny) and then came out and just had these incredible things to say and hilarious moments to share. The way that I really felt like we belonged there at the school, and the way that leaving today felt not so normal or okay. I don't know. A few weeks ago I was way more ready than right now to be back at home. And now I just am not sure that's what I want yet! I feel so comforted that I've gotten to this point here, because I think it is just SUCH a blessing and answer to so many prayers and questions, and I think I should just take that as it is. These people have established these relationships and this love for me, and to be here with that is incredible. To not want to leave a place that is half the world away from my home is pretty big for me I think. The love that every single person here has for each other and their country, and the pride they take in everything they do and all of the people they love is what is sticking with me most at this point. I want so badly to take that home with me. These people as a whole are like no others I have ever met.

I have ONE more week in this country, and I plan on opening my eyes wider and wider to take in every single thing as much as possible so there will be no way that I may forget anything. Ah... it's way easier to leave home, knowing that I will be back to see my family and that place again, than to leave here, not knowing when I will again see any of my kids or teachers or this country.